I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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