Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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