Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
