Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
