where does the pee come out of this thing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
