break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
