I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
