FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
