why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
