It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
