my mouth tastes like poor choices
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
