Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
