Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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