her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
