yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize