Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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