If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
