Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
