That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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