Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need water and some morals
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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