Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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