I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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