I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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