i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And then my night got REAL pukey
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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