DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
