apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
