Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
