people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
