this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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