I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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