i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
