this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
