Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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