Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
