I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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