Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
