can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
