So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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