Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
