Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
