yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
