Need sex. Gaining weight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am naked and annoyed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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