I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
