There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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