Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She is in my trunk
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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