So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
