ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
