Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
