sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
