the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
