the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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