I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I look better un-naked...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
