I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
