who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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