You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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