i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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