Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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