Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
