I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
