I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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