He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
