You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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