Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
