i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
