brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
