ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
