Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize