i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
