So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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