I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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