No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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