I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
