Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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