don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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