I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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