i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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