proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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