I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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